bridgeswithchelley.com

Ten Eleven Ways to Know If Your Friend Has Been Working
With Chelley Rouda, MA, the Positive Psychology Coach

By Chelley Rouda, MA THE EVEN HAPPIER COACH www.BridgesWithChelley.com

11). OBSERVATION: Friend has become curiously attractive to other people!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach have been working on how to bring the power of the positive into relationships.

10). OBSERVATION: Friend is spending more time with you and is really there with you!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach have probably been working on creating an explicit LIFE VISION AND MISSION STATEMENT. Friend set a goal to spend more quality time with friends and to really enjoy and nurture these relationships. Friend learning how to manage time to better focus on what is most important.

9). OBSERVATION: Friend’s glass seems suddenly to be half full instead of always half empty!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach have been working on developing a habit of LEARNED OPTIMISM. Your friend has gained a deeper appreciation for the process of positive expectations and the impact this has in his interactions with others: family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and clients.

8). OBSERVATION: Friend has quit smoking and you no longer get those headaches from having to chat while they cocoon themselves in a wreath of smoke!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach worked together through all the stages of creating a smoke-free and healthier lifestyle in a fail-proof process.

7). OBSERVATION: Friend has soooo much more energy.
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach have been working on implementing a fail-proof set of new habits: daily walks that boost energy levels, better nutrition, and daily meditation practice.

6). OBSERVATION: Friend has more money after a recent raise at work!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology have worked at creating more engagement in the work place and work has become more meaningful. Friend keeps talking now about something called, “flow”.

5). OBSERVATION: Friend gets places on time now and has become incredibly more organized!
EXPLANATION: Friend has been working together with Positive Psychology Coach on using their strengths to get what they want out of life and calming the chaos.

4). OBSERVATION: Friend no longer complains of chronic pain?
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach are using something called Mindful-Based Stress-Reduction and other new tools that decrease discomfort.

3). OBSERVATION: Friend no longer engages in road rage and reports enjoying getting stuck in traffic!
EXPLANATION: Friend and Positive Psychology Coach have repurposed travel time and developed new attributions and perspectives on others behind the wheel. Friend has begun a mindfulness-based stress-reduction meditation practice for a few minutes each morning.

2). OBSERVATION: Friend started own business and is blissfully successful!
EXPLANATION: Working with Positive Psychology Coach, Friend has revived his dreams and alighted his passion for what he has always loved, but never had time to pursue once life got I the way.

1). OBSERVATION: Friend has become almost annoyingly happy and you are envious of how she is just flourishing!
EXPLANATION: Friend has worked with Positive Psychology Coach and changed her life.

Bottom line? Friends don’t let friends roll without their very own Positive Psychology Coach. Give a Gift Certificate to all your friends right now!

Chelley Rouda, MA
The Even Happier Coach
502.758.4005
crouda@yahoo.com
www.BridgesWithChelley.com

Wondering and Wandering

Do you ever decide to get “out of the box” for a while? To discover? To explore? To stretch yourself? To play and create and get more perspective? Yesterday, my son and I took a traditional Easter Drive to experience the beauty and awe of nature and to get “out of the box” for the day. He is a freshman in college and coming into Spring semester’s finals week and I wanted to treat him to something special. In addition to going to school full time, he is an Eagle Scout and works 20-30 hours per week to help with his expenses. He is politically active and a natural leader with his own very strong values. I know how intensely focused he is on studying for his finals and a break to connect and soothe the finals nerves was the right prescription.

During the 45″ drive he had a chance to share some new music with me and we had a chance to catch up a bit. We both enjoyed the scenic drive up US 42. The Bridge to Madison is about to be replaced with work starting tomorrow. Going over the bridge, we could see some minor flooding along the Ohio River with all the days and days and days of April Rain that is still falling today. Trees usually lining the banks, appeared as lines of shrubbery out in the water. A run away truck ramp had turned into a run away truck moat. Madison has a charming historic downtown district that we both agreed would be fun to go back to visit.

Entering Clifty Falls State Park, we drove up a 60 degree grade road straight up to the top of the park. A bulldozer was working on pushing back the mud from the road. At the Lodge there, we had an awesome view overlooking the Ohio. My son was as impressed as I was with the wildlife displays there, most especially the timber wolf that had been native to the area, back in the Lewis and Clark era.

We chose a few trails to wander that were primarily boardwalked because the rain made the dirt trails into mudslides on every step.

There are myriads of waterfalls along the trails and all were supercharged and gorgeous due to the recent rains. We stopped to soak in the beauty at the overlooks. We wondered at one waterfall that seemed to just emerge from the roots a tree. Amazing. Just amazing…

My son found a wildflower that caught his eye because of it’s upside downish structure. We took some photos so that we might look it up later. It stopped raining just while we explored the trails and picked up again when we got back into the car to leave. Good luck on that count. The woods were vibrant shades of green everywhere we looked, in full bloom.

Back at home, my son was back on his netbook computer checking emails and the news of the world. On the back of his screen, an imprinted phrase caught my attention:

Not all who wander are lost.

Wildflowers In Abundance

It turns out to be a bumpersticker that he liked and placed there. And this morning, the saying is still going through my mind. I am so grateful that my son is proud and protective of his right to explore and discover his values, his beliefs, and his interests. He is secure in protecting his curiosity and is confident in his ability to hold beliefs that are different from what the media bombards us with. Same thinking does not the same thinking that created our problems. Different thinking is necessary to our collective survival. He gives me hope for the future.

When was the last time you decided to get out of your box for a bit? What did you discover? Where did you go? What happened? Did you experience any changes in your relationships? Did you learn something about yourself?

For me, being out in nature, in the woods, especially, is better than any “superprozac”. One of my signature strengths is appreciation of beauty and excellence. Taking time to put myself in the middle of natural beauty nourishes me, energizes me, charges my and all that is best about me.

When we use our signature strengths, we all are energized. Please take a moment now to sign up for my Exploring Strengths Series with the the opt-in bar to the right. Every 7-14 or so days, you will receive an in-depth look at one of the 24 Character Strengths. Go to www.viacharacter.org to get your free strengths report now if
you have not done this yet. It will rank-order your 24 strengths and this will help you to get even more out of the strengths series.

As always, your comments are warmly welcomed.

Wishing you rainbows!

In Gratitude, Chelley- Your Even Happier Coach

The Gallup Organization has been a leader in strengths research and behavioral economics for decades.  Two days ago, they published an article on a national survey that examined residents’ opinion on their quality of life and wellbeing and what they anticipate for five years from now. Results?  We need Positive Psychology on the scene now more than ever.

While we routinely see indices of health ranking our Commonwealth of Kentucky lower than other states, this report seems more eerie. Half of Kentuckians reported that they were suffering or struggling instead of thriving.  We have a real opportunity here amid this crisis.  Let’s look at the research on learned helplessness and learned optimism for a moment.  To simplify, learned helplessness is seen when people learn that there is no way out of a painful situation, they stop trying to get out of that situation- even when they are eventually offered a way out. The helpless feel control of nothing and only look forward to more suffering.

When we can learn an attitude and approach to life of optimism, we learn to keep looking for those opportunities to survive, thrive, and even flourish.  Optimists tend to attribute negative happenings to chance or to others, while they attribute positive events to their own control.  It is a place of more personal power.  Even though everything they go for may not happen, they “win” far more often.

I help my clients focus on is how what we choose to focus on will become our reality, in a sense.  When a person chooses to believe that nothing will go well for them, that nothing ever has or ever does, that the world is stacked against them, that they fail and think it is foolish to try, guess what they are more likely to attract?

A Warm Invitation as always to add your comments here.  Check out the link to the article and let your voice be heard (seen?) here on Bridges With Chelley. Where does your own state rank?  Where do you rank yourself?

In Gratitude,

Chelley Rouda- Your Even Happier Coach

http://www.gallup.com/poll/146885/Positivity-Optimism-Norm-Thriving-States.aspx?version=print

Would you like to take a quick quiz free online to check your time preference?

I did and it really gives some food for thought.  How many of us take the step back to assess how we value, conceptualize, plan, and use our time and what benefit is there to be gained?

It has been said that the balanced person should be comfortable in past, present, and future time conceptualizations.  Using a past preference that brings out the best possible view of the past, and a present that is informed by that positive past with allowance for short-term pleasures, and not loosing track of the compass of a preferred future.  What is your opinion on this?

Dr. Philip Zimbardo at Stanford University and other colleagues have taken up the study of time preference in their work. How would you expect time preference to vary from a group of four year olds to a group of teens to a middle-aged person to a more senior participant?  Between prisoners and members of society at large?  Between people who are achieving their goals and those who do not?  Between you at your best and you not at your best?

Interesting stuff.  I have included the link below if you would like to take his time preference survey.  The site also has great information on each preference.  If you take the test and are interested in designing and achieving your goals taking your time preferences into account, I am your coach.

TEST YOURSELF: Which time perspective fits you best?

http://www.thetimeparadox.com/surveys/

In Gratitude,

Your Even Happier Coach

Chelley

My brother has a birthday tomorrow and it has had me thinking about birthdays all day.  Why do we celebrate birthdays? How do we celebrate them? Why? And where does it get us?  And why is Hallmark so successful? Some thoughts…

10. Birthdays give us a great chance to honor and recognize the “birthday-ee”.  We get so busy doing life. Birthdays give us a planned and intentional time to let the birthday-ee know how much they mean to us.

9. Do people thank  their parents or the people who raised you on their birthdays?

8. Why do we have such a tough time telling each other how we feel that we have to pay Hallmark to get the message across that we love the birthday-ee, care about them, hope they have a great year and many more ahead, and even just make them smile?

7.  I wonder where the candles on the cake tradition came from? Anyone know?  And why do we blow them out? And why do you only get one birthday wish a year?

6. Honoring another person’s birthday is also honoring yourself.

5. And the value of every human being.

4. Birthdays remind many of us of some of the happiest moments in our early years. We reconnect with the positive emotions in the current moments.

3. What is your favorite birthday memory?

2. Has anyone any experience of throwing yourself a birthday party? Even a surprise birthday party? How did you do it?

1. Birthdays are a gift from our creator.  And maybe rather underutilized.  When we make a commitment to take our life in a more healthy and positive direction, we actually qualify for an additional birthday. Did you know that? Interesting, right?

Happy Birthday, Bro. Love You Forever and For Always, Sis.

In Gratitude,

Chelley, Your Even Happier Coach

or-  Some Thoughts on MDMA for Healing and Happiness.

One of the more interesting subjects I have come across over the past ten years is that of how MDMA (street named Ecstasy)  impacts mood, character, traumatic memories, and neurophysiology both in the immediate and longer-term time frames. MDMA works by emptying out most of the brain’s serotonin, a brain chemical that transmits feelings of well-being among other purposes, all at once.

Oprah’s March issue with the leading cover story entitled, “CAN A SINGLE PILL HEAL YOUR PAST? A New Kind of Therapy” had some new information to share on the topic. The article reported on some of the new research being done on MDMA-assisted treatment of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with multiple interviews of women who have participated.

I have multiple thoughts on the idea of a pill to “heal one’s past” and am curious to know what you think.  The one point that came up repeatedly in the interviews that had my attention was their experience of letting go of all the fear, shame, anger and negative emotions that had slowed down their progress in psychotherapy.  It allowed each of the women to get to a place with being more compassionate toward herself, her struggles, and her life experiences.

There is a part of me that takes a reactive stance along the lines of, “Why should we need a pill to achieve this?”  And another reaction of, “Why suffer if there is a pill that would work?”. “Should it be part of a protocol at some point in the future to educate members of the military, survivors of abuse and assault, and others about this possible treatment”? We have a long time to think about it for a number of political, scientific, financial, and practical reasons that stretch out the development time line on this.

So in the meanwhile, what useful lessons can we learn from the research already completed? From what I have just read, the promotion of self-compassion and releasing stored negative emotions sounds promising.  Hopefully just as a reminder for us, though so many struggle with this issue.

What can you do today to be just a little kinder to yourself?  Reflect on some of your strengths? Smile at yourself in the mirror and mean it?  A few extra sips of clean cold water?  A few minutes walking in the sunshine?  Thinking about all the wonderful things that are going well in your life right now?  I think I’ll take “All of the above”. Bonus: no experimental psychedelic double- blind controlled FDA phase 2 protocol needed. Smile? As Always, a warm invitation to post your thoughts. How did you show yourself compassion today?

In Gratitude,

Chelley Rouda

Your Even Happier Coach

How cool would it be to sit around the campfire with friends and be able to strum cool notes?  I have always had this fantasy, a strong feeling that I would like to do this.  Some years ago I bought a backpacking guitar, but I haven’t yet gotten around to learning how to play it. It sits in its case in the corner and whispers to me, “stairway to heaven…freebird….walk this way…”. Life happens. We come home from “work” and we don’t even think of the dreams we have pushed aside maybe? And who has the energy?

The funniest thing is that yesterday my dream came to me.  I was talking to an attractively charming and happy person about how she grows all the different varieties of violets she offers and all of a sudden I had a guitar in my arms and was sitting beside her for a lesson!  Talk about manifestation!

What have you been wanting to do in your life?  What holds you back? Are you able to visualize what your life would be like if you took the first step in that direction?  We none of us know when our time is up. This is the only life we get, right? It’s too short, just way too short to play it small.  How can you let your light shine out today? What holds you back? What is the next step?

I was reminded last week of something a dear friend told me years ago.  Sometimes we just have to start out and trust that we have it in us to handle things one step at a time.  If we waited to drive across town until all the lights are green at one time, we would never go anywhere. We drive to the first red light, stop, and go when it is time.

I am curious if for me something that has held me back from learning this instrument is that learning the guitar is a “stoplight” or milepost along the way to an even bigger dream I contemplate, that of section hiking the Appalachian Trail one day. But one thing at a time, right?  For now, I have learned how to tune this guitar and play my first five notes. And have several tools for learning and enjoying even more as I am ready.

What is your aspiration, dream, vision, big goal?  As always a warm invitation to talk about it here.

In Gratitude,

Your Even Happier Coach, Chelley.

Today was a day well spent here at Bridges With Chelley. Curious?  I have been preparing my notes for two classes I am giving tomorrow for another Serenity Saturday in the Even Happier Series, so my brain has been filled with the Good Life all day long.  At 10am you can join me to learn about Strengths and at 3pm about resilience if you are in the area.  (More details under the Events tab above.)

These are the two areas that drew me into the field of positive psych more than a decade ago.  I was working as a therapist for a student resource center at an inner city elementary school.  The students who were referred to me were severely at-risk children of multi-stressed families.  If there was research on any risk-factor out there, these children had it.  It was very challenging and very important work to help these troubled youth to be able to participate in their schooling. There was so much literature on risk factors.  But I found something doing all that research- the resilience literature.

What is resilience? In a nutshell, it is our innate ability to overcome adversity- to bounce back.  Do you consider yourself to be a resilient person?  Keep reading and you might impress yourself. As you read each of the following definitions, ask yourself how use that strength everyday.  How can you nurture each of these strengths to build your bounce?

Much gratitude to Drs. Sybil and Steve Wolin of Project Resilience for the following:

“We have used the word “resiliencies” to describe clusters of stength that are mobilized in the struggle with hardship. Our vocabulary of strengths includes seven resiliencies which are as follows:

Insight - asking tough questions and giving honest answers.

Independence - distancing emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble in one’s life.

Relationships - making fulfilling connections to other people.

Initiative - taking charge of problems.

Creativity - using imagination and expressing oneself in art forms.

Humor - finding the comic in the tragic.

Morality - acting on the basis of an informed conscience.”

If you have taken the free strengths assessment at viacharacter.org, where do each of these strengths of resilience fall in your VIA rank-ordered list of strengths?

Please share your thoughts, including what you would like to discuss more in depth here.  Warm invitation as always.  In Gratitude, Chelley- Your Even Happier Coach

Do you believe in luck? What is luck?  What makes a person lucky? A while ago I was out walking my dogs when I lucked across some money on the ground.  I enjoy going out to explore the world some everyday with the dogs.  Finding some money gave that instant feeling of it being a lucky day for me.  Thinking more about it though, if we had not been out on our daily adventure, how likely would it have been to still be a lucky day?

There is a component to luck that involves doing the preparation, doing the work- or the play- that puts you in the place for opportunity to find you.  Dr. Andy Meyer used to tell us in our Consultation Course that SUCCESS happens when PREPARATION meets OPPORTUNITY.  Is luck, then, opportunity? Hmmm…

The lottery here has a motto:  YOU’VE GOT TO PLAY TO WIN. And what could be more stereotypically lucky than winning the jackpot?  But what keeps us from going ahead and playing, tossing our hats into the ring?

Have you seen those motivational posters that have the black frame, a catchy image, a large motivational word and then a caption to inspire beneath?  One of those comes to mind for me right now.  There is one that says RISK and has a picture of a sailboat on the ocean.  The caption reads something about the ship that never leaves shore may be the safer one.  However, ships are built for sailing.  What does one miss if one never leaves the shore of safety? So what keeps us from starting out on our own journey? What do we lose by not setting sail?

Does where do we look for our pot of gold have something to do with the amount of risk we tolerate?  What is it to sail versus to bump into treasure island? Does love of sailing, valuing the process and the journey, pull us closer toward life’s opportunities? Hmmm…

Are you feeling lucky today?  Are you open to being lucky?  How do you attract more luck into your life?  As always, a warm invitation to share your thoughts.  In Gratitude, Chelley.